To:  Contractor

Re: construction of addition to second conservatory [1] at Maison De L'Octopus.


     Let there be no misunderstanding in the matter of the monster wall.  No scrimping on building materials will be tolerated.  I have heard rumors that substandard mortar is to be used in the construction of this particular bit of estate security.   If this is true, I can only surmise that either your people are the sort who do not respect the wishes the chaps holding the purse strings, or that their boss is.  If continued funding is as important to your company as protection from monster attack is to me, you will use only the highest grade mortars, spackles, gels, balms, pastes, bricks, struts, slates, packing materials, staking units, etc.

What is to be gained if we sacrifice strength in our monster defenses only to have the entire estate overrun with giant apes, prehistoric lizards, and any of a hundred other varieties of otherworldly beast?

     Have your workmen made aware that their craftsmanship will be expected to withstand not only the elements and the rigors of time, but possible visitation from elder gods and horrors from depths as unspeakable as they are unfathomable to the human mind.  This information should be passed about in some sort of pamphlet or posted near the water coolers, where everyone will see it.  Since the descriptions of these sorts of monstrosities have been known to drive men mad with horror, you may wish to tone it down a bit.

     I appreciate you cooperation, and know that you have my sympathies in this matter.  It is not every day that a technical and pragmatic mind such as your own is forced to wrangle with the threat of attack from 12 dimensions simultaneously, and from beings whose forms lend themselves so poorly to blueprints.



Your Employer


Colonel M. Behemoth




[1].  Editor’s note.  During an afternoon stroll about his uncle’s estate, the author stumbled (lit) across the remains of some unfinished structure.  It seemed separatory [sic] in nature and felt, according to the author, possessed of a desire to become larger, much larger, bordering on the monumental.  At the time of the author’s visit, the house had no second conservatory, but as the memo is not dated, this structure could long since have been demolished, abandoned, or absorbed by the house.  This sort of structural consumption is not uncommon, especially in homes as large and architecturally adventurous as the Octopus House.  Even smaller estates have lost structures to the arrogant nibblings of older, more established regions of the homes.  Richter von Richter, an architect/consultant for ‘Herr Scholb: And Now,’offers, “That is where the parlors have gone!”  Given the explicitly stated continental derange’ of the eastern wings and the intended flavor of the second conservatory, consumption seems to have been inevitable.